Recovery Diary 08/12/18

Words by: Morgan Blair 

Life is a tricky thing, that’s the main thought on my mind as I finally roll out of bed at 11:45 in the morning. I never sleep this late, but I don’t feel overly concerned with this fact. There’s too many other things on my mind. So many things that I wouldn’t be able to name one of them. They are all too jumbled and messy for me to even know what I am thinking about.

But life is tricky, I continue this line in my head as I order a bagel with cream cheese. Now, it’s 4 in the afternoon and there was no reason why I was ordering this bagel other than this shocking fact: I wanted it.  It is in these moments where the punch line reveals itself, where the tricks become apparent. I am walking a thin line. We are all walking a thin line. We approach dozens of choices throughout our days that require us to decide between what we genuinely want and what we feel obligated to do. We stumble back and forth giving into societal expectations and then jumping back towards ourselves and our own desires for our lives. Back and forth, back and forth. It’s life’s game of hop-scotch that we never seen to win.

I am not stupid and I understand that sometimes what we genuinely want gets tangled up in what our demons want. I’m not talking about what your eating disorder would order in that moment or what your depression would have to say about letting yourself sleep in until 11:30 am. I am talking about authenticity. What does your authentic self want in these moments where you are faced with choice?

The bagel and cream cheese wasn’t just a bagel and cream cheese. It was a choice, a deliberate choice to take a step over this thin line towards my authentic self. I think these choices are a muscle. The more we exercise them, the stronger they become. The more at peace we are with our lives. Gym or yoga? Cookie or carrots? Sleep in after a long week or get up and do more work? Bath or quick shower? Movie or business calls? Full-time job or entrepreneurship? Pay for a trip or pay for a tattoo? Buy a ton of drinks on Friday or save for the new camera you want for your photography passion? Choice, choice, choice, choice…picking the choice that leads you towards the future you wish to hold will make you ripped AF with muscles of authenticity and pride.

So as I sat down with my bagel, iced tea, and notebook at 4 pm to discuss to future of Unpolished Journey, I felt insanely grateful. Grateful that I could live this moment, full of pride, and completely satisfied with the choices I had made throughout the day.

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