Written by: Lizzy who is a nurse, friend, and fellow recovery warrior alongside those here at Unpolished Journey.
#imnotsorry for being me!
#imnotsorry for being different. I may not be your typical 25 year old according to my neighborhood and people my age and what they are doing with themselves. No, I am not employed full time at the moment, no I am not in a relationship, and no I am not married expecting my first child. And no, I am not out there every day destroying my body training for marathons anymore and I am not going to ashamed that instead I am taking care of my body. For awhile I was very ashamed of myself that I hadn’t met societal standards and I met “the ideal plan” I had for myself, of which were just societal standards imposed on me and me putting it up even one more notch to make things harder on myself.
I may not have those things going for myself, but not every 25 year old can say they went away to treatment for 6 months and had to put there life on pause and then had to come back and learn to relive in the world. Not every 25 year can say they went back to school to earn another bachelors degree in accelerated program all while continuing to see a therapist, dietitian, and psychiatrist. So, I’m done feeling sorry for myself for not meeting societal standards. I’m done being ashamed of my past, my past has shaped me into who I am today, it is has propelled me into a new career. It is allowing me to use my voice and grow in my spiritual journey, a spiritual path I did not have before and one that I love being on! #imnotsorry for my past! #imnotsorry for being a unique individual just learning to get by!
#imnotsorry for saying no and I am done explaining myself, from here on out in my life no means no. My voice matters, and just because I am a female doesn’t make me any less of a person, it doesn’t mean I can be walked over or that my voice can be dismissed. #imnotsorry for being who I am. Every part of me matters; it shapes me into who I am! Just because I am not a competing marathon runner anymore does not make me less of a person, just because I need more help in my day to day life than the next person does not mean I am weak and need to apologize for it! No, it means I am just trying my best and putting up a fight. #imnotsorry that I am not living the perfect recovery, I mess up, but I don’t give up. I get honest with my team and I try again to get back on track no matter how long it takes. I am working to become a new Lizzy, not one shaped by running and not one shaped by her eating disorder. #imnotosorry that I am feeding myself six times a days and saying no to things that make me uncomfortable!
I am learning to take care of myself and learning to accept myself for who I am, and society is not ok with that, then that is their issue not mine and I won’t apologize!